Being a friend to your child can open up communication channels, but being only a best friend and not the responsible adult that steps up when things becomes difficult or your child needs guidance, can leave your child vulnerable and ill-equipped for life. The key lies in finding a balance between being the authority in the relationship and being approachable when they need something else from the relationship.
In different situations or as your child grows older, it’s normal for your roles to change. While you are their play mate and disciplinarian when they are a toddler, you might become their confidant, role model and authority figure when they are tweens. Going into the teenager phase your child will explore their identity and will need loving support to do this within a structured environment to keep them safe while exploring. A lot of parents feel tempted to become their child’s best friend during this stage. Although your conversations will reach a whole new level, being a best friend can confuse your child when you have to step into your parent shoes again.
- They might feel betrayed when you reprimand them or set boundaries. They can’t share the mischief they got up to with you the one moment and get reprimanded about it the next. They need to feel secure in the relationship with clearly defined roles. Then they will know what to expect from you in every situation and they will trust you enough to come to you when they get in real trouble and need help. Parents feel unsure and think children will only come to them when they are BFFs, when in actual fact they are more inclined to come to you when they know you can be a responsible adult that they feel comfortable talking to. You might want to read about these active listening tips for parents.
- When you are in a BFF relationship with your child you might be tempted to share things with them that will put them under pressure or stress. Children are not meant to stress about the detail of adult problems, for example, financial stress and marital conflict. Things like this could also negatively affect your child’s relationship with the other parent.
NB! There is a difference in being your child’s BFF and being a responsible authority figure they can trust and talk to. You can be a friend and a parent, but not a BFF!
Read more about how you can give constructive feedback to your child.
