Family meeting rules


Guidelines for parents

  • Introduce family meetings from a young age and keep it on your child’s level. 
  • Keep it informal enough to ensure that everyone feels at ease. 
  • There should be no distractions like phones being answered, the television playing in the background, someone reading or visitors waiting for you to finish. 
  • Don’t be pressed for time. Put time aside specifically for your meeting so that everyone can be present and relaxed. A Saturday morning meeting around the breakfast table could be an ideal time.
  • Give everyone time to prepare, even if it’s just mentally. Don’t just announce that you are having a family meeting right now. Tell them we ahead of time when and where it will be and about what. 
  • Although there might be a specific reason or focus to the meeting, anything that’s on their hearts could be discussed in a family meeting. 
  • Give reasons for a decision made by parents. The reason for the meeting shouldn’t just be to inform children of decisions made, but to give reasons for the decisions and to discuss how everyone feels about it, what they are scared of etc. 
  • Give everyone an opportunity to react. Some personality types need a little time to process information before they can respond. This might mean that you have to take a break in the middle of the meeting or continue the next day. 
  • What is discussed in your meeting stays between you. Never go out of the meeting and in detail discuss with a friend or other family member how your child reacted, what was said and who said what. Chances are your child will find out you discussed it and the break in trust would ruin family meetings. If it’s not a particular sensitive subject, ask your child if you could share what they for example said or suggested.


Create your own family meeting rules
Every family should determine their own family meeting rules that make sense for them. If you include your kids in the process of coming up with the rules they will be more willing to follow the rules. The rules are there to create safety and to promote sharing.

Some families prefer to make the rules visible and puts up a poster with the rules on. Whatever you decide to do, here’s a few examples of rules to get your thinking started:

  1. Everyone listens
  2. Everyone speaks
  3. Everyone acts respectfully
  4. Be honest
  5. Be open to new ideas
  6. Don’t judge
  7. Tell us what you need from us

You might want to read about how gender doesn’t determine what your child can do.