Tuesday 26 February 2013 – I flew from Johannesburg to Cape Town to attend the Design Indaba. My husband joined up with me to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. It was hard to leave our 8 month old boy at home, but he was happy with his granny. I thought it will be good for him too as we are teaching him a sense of independence. We were away from home for 6 days and I couldn’t wait to see him. I was so excited to see the expression on his face when he sees me! When we got home there was no smile on his face, no desire to be embraced, no emotion at all. I remember feeling heartbroken - I feed him, bath him, play with him, sing for him and above all, love him unconditionally. This behaviour is normal for a four month old but he was eight months at this stage.
‘They say that toddlers live in the moment. When you show up, he is in a different world. How can he switch gears and connect with you? Maybe he just needs a little help. Should I accepted the wait-and-see approach and trust in God for guidance.’ I thought to myself.
Around his first birthday we noticed that Louw didn’t say words that were typical for children his age. He used “mamma” and “papa” out of context and did not respond when we called his name. We eventually took him to an audiologist only to find out that there was nothing wrong with his hearing.
I started feeling guilty for being a working mom. ‘Maybe I am not stimulating him enough or maybe I am not raising him the right way?’ We then invested in a Practica set which is a comprehensive home-based education kit with which parents can monitor and grow a child’s development. I started using the programme and soon realised that Louw was very far behind in reaching his developmental milestones. At 20 months we decided to send him to pre-primary school and seek advice from the people who work with toddlers on a daily basis.
The teacher adopted the wait-and-see approach with Louw but the Kinderkineticist at the school believed there was reason for concern. My friend, Marene Jooste (Kinderkineticist and founder of Kwanda Kinetics), recommended a visit to a Paediatric Neurologist in Centurion.
The Neurologist asked a lot of questions like whether Louw pointed at things and looked for our reactions, which was not the case and also asked if he was toe-walking, which he was doing at the time. The Neurologist did activities with him such like rolling a ball to Louw and asking him to roll it back. He gave Louw a cellphone to see what he would do with it; he threw it on the floor instead of holding it to his ear. He gave him a car to see how he plays with it; he just stared at the wheels constantly.
After Louw’s hour long assessment the Dr sat my husband and I down and gave us news that would impact our lives forever... Louw has: “Autism Spectrum Disorder.” My husband sobbed and at that moment, it felt as though my world was crashing down around me. The Dr proceeded to advise that it was highly unlikely that Louw would be able to attend mainstream schools. As we left, heavy hearted, the Dr greeted us with these unsympathetic, unforgettable words... “what a waste of a beautiful life…”
After we left, I tried my best to keep it together as I could see how emotionally broken my husband was, he was literally shaking and wept as he embraced Louw as if he never wanted to let him go.
This was not the end for me and my family, it was only the beginning.
Louw was 2.8 years old on this picture.
