Tick tock, tick tock. All watches are made with the exact same function – to indicate the passing of time, although the parts that make them tick can differ from one brand to the next and even from one design to the next. Children are also made up of different things that make them tick despite the common goal of growing up into functional adults.
Have you ever tried to communicate with someone whom you don’t have anything in common with? The conversation soon wilts and you both feel awkward because you don’t have anything to say to each other. If you could find a single thing that you have in common you would have lots to talk about and discuss and there would be no awkward moments.
Something that parents often wonder about is why certain parenting techniques can work beautifully with one child and then has the complete opposite effect on another child, even if they are siblings. Or which subjects or extra-murals will unlock their child’s potential. Can this possibly relate to what makes them tick?
Dr Stanley Greenspan said it is important to find a way to understand our children and each other in a way that builds connections, understanding, love, communication and engagement (finding out what makes them tick). He highlighted the importance of teaching children that their interests are important and that through their interests they can be challenged to greater and greater mastery of skills, another reason to be sure what makes our children tick…
To
determine what makes them tick, we need to observe their interests, go
down to their physical level, be face to face and wait, watch and
wonder.
According to Lauren Lowry, a Hanen certified therapist, we can think of the following questions in an attempt to find out what is important for our children:
- What makes them smile or laugh?
- What draws their attention?
- What keeps their attention?
- What excites them?
- What is their favourite thing to do?
- What do they work hard at doing?
- What shows their best colours?
- What gets them to try new things?
- What do they choose to do most often?
She believes that only once we know what is important in a child’s life, we can start to communicate with the child.
Another view on finding out what makes a child tick is probably the love languages. We are familiar with the love languages in adults, but they can relate well to children too. The 5 languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and gifts.
Once you’ve determined what makes your child tick, you can show them how much you love them. Now you will be able to reward them in a way that they feel excited about. You will also be able to discipline them in a way that they understand and last, but not least, you will be able to identify where their actions come from.
So, without wasting any time… find out what makes your child tick in their unique little way.